Is this a good start to my story?

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  • Is this a good start to my story?


Answer #1 | 28/12 2013 21:34
Yes B
Answer #2 | 29/12 2013 00:28
I like the story, the warden character, the prison itself, its paintings and jewels - it's intriguing. I also liked the way you use italics for Jack's thoughts. However, your syntax is awkward, somewhat contrived, and worst of all, works to conceal your meaning. Try to write more simply and use shorter sentences. Think Hemingway rather than Austen. And two 'pondered's on one page is two too many, especially when they're attributions. Good luck with your writing. B PS: dissapearing isn't spelled like this.

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