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Harsh Critique Needed?! Expert Writing Opinions Needed!?

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  • Harsh Critique Needed?! Expert Writing Opinions Needed!?


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Answer #1 | 26/12 2013 13:01
I cant critique the entire thing now but I'll look at it later...so far of what i've read the only thing odd or awkard is "we laughed, thrilled with ourselves"...and "It appeared that she was straining to see the road out in front of her. I simply grinned and rolled my eyes." When writing with the style you've chosen, try to write as the character would speak. The phrase : It appeared that ..." seems very 3rd person.
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