Does this poem tell a story "Treachery Gone Afoul"?

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  • Does this poem tell a story "Treachery Gone Afoul"?


Answer #1 | 22/12 2013 12:48
A good, taut write In mixed meter AB-AB rhyme. You're composing a bit lower than your ability. The flow overall is okay, but there are lines I might rethink: "The blade once kind shall be slayer of mine" "And wrought with dishonor in sheath of lies " ("in a sheath of lies"...or... "in sheaths of lies" Your final couplet is good but might work better simply reversing lines: "As I find in your pained eyes no delight, . I call death now to extinguish my sight" (I would eliminate "to". It would add great flow) Just a few thoughts, perhaps two more spots to smooth....So, intoto, good momentum, slightly rushed, a bit more "polishing up" and well worth the read.
Positive: 100 %
Answer #2 | 22/12 2013 07:48
Clearly, it does, yes. :)
Positive: 50 %
Answer #3 | 22/12 2013 08:35
Fredric Well written. Sad, disturbingly emotional. Most of lines are writtin in iambic pentameter so the non ones create a different beat but is pretty minor, the lines still flow well, The only solace I find is the one who lived tood no delight in the pain and death of the protagonist.

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