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My girlfriend is hinting about a ring?
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My girlfriend is hinting about a ring?
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| 19/12 2013 13:21
If it is a big letdown, she is not for you. You are in no position to marry now. You are still very young and she sounds self concerned-not concerned about you. Knowing someone a year is not long enough. Three years is better. After all this is a commitment for the remainder of your entire life. So I will go further and tell you NOT to move in with her. She already seems to be controlling you and influencing you to the point you need to write here wondering if she will be let down. She is not writing asking if you are overworked 60 hrs a week. What is SHE going to do for your one year anniversary? She doesnt care about you frankly. I know this sounds harsh but please beware women who pressure you. Especially for a ring and to move in together. Then you are trapped and cannot get rid of her. Just read on this site lots of people's problems living together with not enough money when -surprise!- a baby joins them. Yes it is usually quite a surprise to the guy who thought contraception was in effect. Your life becomes doomed if you have no money and then the sweet girlfriend is not so sweet anymore.
| 19/12 2013 13:22
Well, if you are not ready do not ask. Tell her that you are not ready for an engagement so she knows she is not getting a ring. Or plan a trip to vegas and say let get married No engagement so no ring
| 19/12 2013 14:22
Yes, but hopefully she is a sensible girl. If you explain it to her exactly as you have just done in your question (and I would do so BEFORE you move in together) then she should understand. Its very sensible that you want to be on a bit of a more stable ground financially and employment wise before you make that big commitment. If she pouts and stamps her foot however, I would consider that a bit of a red flag. Most girls just want to know where they stand. if you have a goal in mind she hopefully might not be quite so upset
| 19/12 2013 14:26
Here's what's wrong with your question. It sounds like you're thinking straight in terms of not rushing into a ring and what it represents. But what is not ok is the fact that you're clearly not communicating at all with her. This is always true when someone shows up on YA asking what their partner will think. So, instead of her dropping "hints", and you avoiding the issue, both of you are guilty of not initiating a convo that is obviously overdue. In other words, it's wrong of her to just drop hints and hope, but it's wrong of you to know what she wants and not tell her why this doesn't work for you. Also, my jaw dropped a little when you said you're planning on moving in together in June. This is the quickest way to sabotage a promising relationship, because when the relationship isn't ready for this big step, it just adds more stress. And it's obvious you're not ready for that yet if you're not communicating. It's puzzling to me you see that with the proposal, but not with moving in together. Of the couples I've known couples who did this, including me, the successful ones didn't jump the gun on it. We waited until we were ready to get engaged and had worked through all the issues this entails. The unsuccessful ones were thinking the way you are (that it's a way to get closer or take your relationship to the next level). This just doesn't work that often, and it's doubly risky if you're young.
| 19/12 2013 23:15
First of all, it isn't all about her. If you aren't ready, then proposing to make her happy will only lead to disappointment for her later if you get cold feet. It's only been a year. You don't fully know someone after a year anyway. But living with her first would seem like the smart thing to do. I'd discuss with her openly (and not on the one year anniversary) that you realized she's hinting at marriage, but are not ready and don't want to rush things. Say you care about your future together, but that you don't want to rush. She should be more than understanding. If not, she's not for you.
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